So sorry to have not been faithfully posting, but things here have become extremely busy. Even this post will be short and to the point. I am still, no matter what I’ve said and done, doing everything I can to keep control in my marriage. I realized this the other night. Kev did decide to reinstitute maintenance once a week on Wednesday evening. So Wednesday comes, we get home from work, and he tells me it’s time…I stall, telling him my tummy is upset…which it was but not as bad as all that…so he agrees to wait a bit. Finally he is ready to wait no more, and I decide we have to talk first…another stall tactic…we discuss everything I think he is doing wrong regarding my discipline – well ok not everything (for instance letting me stall was CERTAINLY not discussed)…and I tell him how to do it right…he should have tanned my hide for days over this one!! So then the moment I’ve been dreading and stalling finally comes…but when he brings out his new cane I tell him I can’t handle that and that he can’t use it…so he puts it away and opts for the bath brush instead (tell me again who is supposed to be in control?????)
So anyway he finally starts, but he’s doing this Q&A thing…and I can’t answer questions while I’m getting a spanking, so I snap at him to please not make this a Q&A session…and he complies. Then we come to an area where the problem is part mine and part his…and neither of us is sure how to fix it. He doesn’t give enough warm up time…so the spanking gets too hard too fast and then I can’t take it. He having to end things much too soon, and because of this, I have no residual effects…actually, the only impact discipline happening this way is having is that it’s making me angrier at him than I already was.
You have to understand…I want this to work. I keep saying I can’t give up control until he takes it, but I’m slowly realizing the opposite may be true as well. So I’m going to try harder to give it up…and hope that he takes it. If anyone has suggestions for hubby regarding the too fast, too hard issues, please let me know.
Blessings to all,