Miki's Pathway

Miki's pathway is leading her to be a more appropriately behaved wife to her hubby of 8 years through the use of LCDD...and yes, it was at her request. Certain content along the path isn't suitable for younger viewers - so if you haven't celebrated your 18th b-day...come back when you get there and I'll welcome you with open arms.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Be careful what you wish for...

you just might get it!! Here I've been wondering why he wasn't doing anything...praying for guidance...longing for him to just care enough to take the first real steps...and all the while he was completing his last research...deciding what to do about the kids...and stocking up on implements. Silly me to think that he wasn't going to follow through...he is...with a vengeance. The other afternoon, he and our middle child were having a quite heated discussion...and I just couldn't stay out of it. I truly believed that they were each making things worse and I decided that I just had to make it stop. So I barged my way into their conversation...I asked for them to each play along with me...which they agreed to do...and I started guiding the flow of their disagreement. Sis got riled up again and started in and before I could calm her, Kev got riled up too...and that's where I made the HUGE mistake. Without thinking, right in his face, I yelled "shut the he** up." I knew the second it escaped my mouth it was wrong...I felt horrible...I hoped upon hope that I could take it back...not because I knew I was going to be in trouble (because at this point I still am thinking Kev has changed his mind) but because it was disrespectful to this man I love so very much...because I know better than to talk to him like that...and because I saw the pain on his face. Well we got them back on track and while I was very happy to have helped their relationship...I was also very somber because I went against everything I've been trying so hard to do. It was at just about the second I began to open my mouth to apologize to him that he ordered...yuppers you read it right...ORDERED me to the bedroom. You'd better believe this girl moved as quick as possible...and even in the right direction. Kev didn't immediately follow me...but I knew where I should be and so when he did come in I was standing with my nose to the wall. I was already feeling so very bad that the lecture that followed made me want to curl up and die. I was more than accepting of the discipline spanking he administered...my heart was hurting for the pain I caused him. He spanked me almost to tears this time, but even this time the tears would have been more of pain than of the remorse I was truly feeling. I don't get that. Perhaps it will come with time.

Tuesday I got another spanking...this one because I allowed our oldest daughter to stress me to the point of tears and cursing. This one was longer and harder because I tend to hold on to my stress tightly and it's incredibly bad for my health and our marriage as I take it all out on him.

I now feel like I'm finally on the path...and Kev is right there beside me. I wouldn't want it any other way...even if it does mean sitting on a bruised bottom. Each time I sit I'm reminded of Kev's love for me, his commitment to our marriage and to me, and of my submission to my husband. I choose to give this to him...and in doing so I accept what he chooses for me...no matter what it may be as long as he dispenses it for God and with love and the intention of guiding me to a safer, healthier place. We've arrived at this point on the path for a reason...and I choose to not question it. I believe God has a reason for where we are...and I trust in Him.

Blessings to you all,

Miki

4 Comments:

  • At 3:41 PM, Blogger noelle said…

    I am so happy for you that Kev is truly taking his responsibility in your LCDD relationship seriously. Truly, God has a plan for this in your relationship. As we are beginners at this also, I know the frustrations you have been feeling as far as worrying that your DH is not as serious about this as you are. It looks as though you are on the right path though. I will keep you both in my prayers.

    Question....how do you deal with discipline with the kiddies around? Would love to hear your opinions on this.

    blessings,
    Noelle

     
  • At 4:09 PM, Blogger Miki said…

    How we deal with DD and our kids is probably not how most anyone else does...nor how most would probably suggest dealing with it. Our children have been told exactly what choices we have made regarding our marriage. They know that I have chosen to give Kev my submission, and they know that means that I am subject to discipline from him.

    I don't know what the future holds for us...as we are so newly living this life...but I know I will follow the path God is placing for us.

    Many blessings to you,

    Miki

     
  • At 6:10 PM, Anonymous Tammy said…

    As an oldie with this, okay, a few years, not that oldie, but our kids, all grown, know about this. At first they did not understand, how could a grown woman submit herself to this? Simple, I let my mouth and ways run my life before, I was miserable, I was on pills for "bi-polarism" well, tired of pills not working, except in killing the bedroom scene, it happened quite on accident, it didn't have a name for it yet, but it changed our lives, and I got off all those mind controling pills. Now they are discovering people on those drugs are commiting suicide and murders. So much for mind numbing. But the kids see that mom is healthier, mom and dad are closer, and there is a heck of a difference between abuse and a disciplined lifestyle. They accept this. My doctor does not fully agree with this but he is one of those Promise Keepers, so he understands the ideas, and accepts this. Friends and family are all learning abotu this, they feel awkward at first, but once they see how comfortable we are with this and talking to them, they then have lots of inquiries, some get spooked and are too quick to dismiss talking about it, those are the ones who need it the most. Like My sister, holy guacamole! Her mouth runs like a subway and the God-awful things she says to her husband and his sons, I can't see how he just stands there and takes it without uttering a word. All she needs is a trip to the shed with her husband grabbing his you know whats back from her, and slapping them back where they belong between his knees, and a nice leather belt. There is an old joke about how Eskimos keep their children in line. They use whale blubber...they keep wailing on the kid until The blubbers! And my darling sister, whom I adore so much, seriously needs whale blubber. We all make mistakes, Miki. Don't beat yourself up when you mess up, Kev is headed int he right direction, Admit when we make mistakes, and also accept what we've earned. this is how we learn. its not a magical thing that happens over night, Hon, but you all will get it. God guides us in many ways, and getting us back on track, I know this is the right way for us. Angel hugs!

     
  • At 8:32 AM, Blogger Miki said…

    Wow am I glad that someone finally responded. Thank you so much Tammy. I thought it odd that there were several responses UNTIL this last comment of mine that my children are aware of our LCDD...and then nothing. I will put up a new post later...have to run.

    Love and Blessings to all...

    Miki

     

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