Miki's Pathway

Miki's pathway is leading her to be a more appropriately behaved wife to her hubby of 8 years through the use of LCDD...and yes, it was at her request. Certain content along the path isn't suitable for younger viewers - so if you haven't celebrated your 18th b-day...come back when you get there and I'll welcome you with open arms.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Anyone there?

It's been a little bit since my last post but not much has changed. I'm still feeling frustrated, but I've put another word to the feeling I think I'm really having - neglected. How do I cope when he promises that this is what he wants, that he knows we are needing to make significant changes in our marriage if we're going to save it - commits to THESE changes...and then does NOTHING????? I want to be happy with our marriage - with him - with me........but I'm not. I want out of the misery this is causing. I don't want to "brat" to push him to do something, but what the hell else am I to do? I wish I knew if someone was reading this...feeling the same way I'm feeling or remembering when they felt this way. If anyone is out there, please let me know.



  • At 3:54 PM, Blogger Joannie said…

    Hi Miki... I don't want to sound like I am lecturing... but I will respond with my viewpoints... Might not be anything you wish to hear, and that it okay. Take what you will and leave the rest.

    DD is based on love, trust, respect, committment... and it takes ton of communication to make it work. It doesn't happen overnight. You and Kev are going through what a lot of beginners go through. You haven't really given up control, and he is 'feeling' his way. You are expecting a dramatic change in your husband, and to be perfectly honest, Miki, you are the one needing to make the changes within yourself. DD is a slow learning process, and it takes much patience to get where you want to be. It takes communication... and not making assumptions about what the other person is thinking and feeling. Kev needs encouragement for simply trying, and you need to discuss with him how frustrated you feel when he promises something and then doesn't follow through. A spanking isn't going to fix the marriage... Communication, discussion, and a strong desire from both of you to work together, using DD as a tool, is what is going to make the difference. I hope this helps... Good luck to you.

  • At 5:23 PM, Blogger Miki said…

    Joannie...please don't ever worry about telling me like you see it...I'm a big fan of saying it like it is. In my opinion, if it's hard for you to hear then it's probably true.

    And your point is made...I am still holding on to control, and I'm terrified to let go. Kev is an amazing man for taking this path with me...I know that. I also know that I HAVE to let go and let him lead the way, but I don't know how. You are so right when you say it's within me that the changes need to happen. I am going to try harder to let him have the control and simply be the wife he needs to have by his side.

    Thank you for your input Joannie...don't go far I'm sure I'll be needing it often.

    Many blessings,


  • At 2:26 PM, Blogger Joannie said…

    Letting go of control can be learned, Miki. It's not so very hard if you do it a little at a time. You give, and Kev takes, slowly but surely... and five years from now, you will still be learning and so will he. That is how it works.

    A simple exercise to begin, and this will sound 'silly' to some folks, but you have to start somewhere... is to ask what kind of veggie Kev wants with dinner, or whether he'd rather have chicken or beef. Simple, yes, but you are giving control over for a very small issue. It can grow into other areas. And, eventually, you are giving over that control when the decision is important to you both. Giving control doesn't mean that you don't have an opinion, or a right to your opinion... it simply means that when you and your S/O are at an impasse, you give over and let him make the decision he feels is best for the family as a whole.

    Giving up control during a spanking is hard. It helps if the mindset is right, that you are both on the same page before the spanking happens... and it helps a bit if he scolds... but, that is something that has to be learned... It doesn't come naturally to all men.

    Miki, it takes time... and lots of patience.


  • At 7:34 AM, Blogger nightangel53 said…

    I TRULY understand your inner struggles. I fantasized about being spanked from the time I was eight years old until I was 46 and we got the computer. That's how he found out.

    We've had our ups and downs, stops and starts, and it IS emotionally tortuous, especially when this is such a NEED in your very being. I mis-communicated and cross communicated with my husband, showed him posts because I was too embarassed to talk about it. He didn't like to read, and when he did, I felt like I was bugging him. So I went into MAJOR brat mode. Sure, it got me what I wanted, but it didn't feel right.

    Could you show your husband HOH's writings. Those articles are what helped get us back on the D/s road. Every couple has their own style, and it seems your husband is kind of "laid back" and is not picking up your signals. So even though we "subbies" WANT them to JUST KNOW AND DO what we NEED, it just doesn't happen magically. We have to let them know. Someone advised me to give him a signal if I couldn't bring myself to just ASK. UGH UGH UGH (asking) Once I laid my slip on his pillow, and he asked me if I was trying to tell him that I "slipped up". I hadn't, but that seemed like a good idea. So maybe ya'll could have a talk and come up with something similar. There was a time when I'd curl up in his lap and just cry, and he'd ask me if I'd done something wrong, and I'd just nod. Sometimes it was convenient for him to take appropriate action, and sometimes the kids were around and it had to wait. That part was hard. But don't give up. You seem fairly new to this, and even though it's been 6 years, I still could use someone to talk to, so if you have yahoo messenger, I'm angellady_53 and if you ask, I'll be glad to add you to my list. I don't know how to add anyone, but if you ask, I'll accept. Just identify yourself, ok?

    hugs, (hang in there)



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