Miki's Pathway

Miki's pathway is leading her to be a more appropriately behaved wife to her hubby of 8 years through the use of LCDD...and yes, it was at her request. Certain content along the path isn't suitable for younger viewers - so if you haven't celebrated your 18th b-day...come back when you get there and I'll welcome you with open arms.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

First Steps

Taking the first steps along the pathway is the hardest thing I think I've ever done. You see, I'm a strong willed, opinionated woman who was abused in marriage number one and decided no one - and by no one I mean NO MAN - would ever have that position of trust and respect in my life again. Meeting and marrying Kev changed much, but for 7 of our 8 years respectful and trusting could not be used to describe how I was towards him. I suspected him of having affairs, I walked all over him, and I got my way no matter the cost. The cost, I realized a year ago, was that I was involved in an internet fling with a past beau and was about to destroy my children by leaving their daddy - who had done nothing to me other than love me unconditionally.

That's when I came across a CDD site on the net...what a wakeup call. Kev and I are Christian, or I thought I was anyway. After reading much on the net, reading my bible and searching my heart...I wrote a letter to Kev telling him what was on my mind...I laid everything out. From the reasons I was how I was, to the fling, to telling him I had contacted a divorce attorney...I bared everything. Then I relayed what I had come across and the reading I had done, and asked him if he was ready to help me become a better wife, mother, person and Christian or if we were done. His response was my first ever spanking, and my reaction was immediate. I tried so hard to not ever earn another...and things were getting better. And then...life intervened. Situations presented themselves that prevented us from staying the path. And a year later I was looking for the attorney's number again.

A few weeks ago, Kev and I decided we aren't willing to throw our marriage away. We've decided to begin again into LCDD. While we are busy working towards some rules and changes, Kev has decided to remind me that I am not the HOH, that when we were married I shouldn't have said the word "Obey" if I wasn't prepared to do just that, that a Christian wife is to submit to her husband in all, and that he loves me and wants our marriage to work as it should. To this end (pardon the pun) he is administering 2 weeks of nightly reminder spankings. Last night was the first one and today I'm not sure how I feel.

At the very moment it was happening, I was thinking it was too much...that I couldn't possibly take what he was doling out...and thus I started begging him to stop...and he did. I felt let down...as soon as he stopped I knew it wasn't enough. Today, I'm sitting on a bruised and sore bottom, but my head and heart are still...numb? cold? I'm angry and frustrated with him and I feel myself wanting to snap at him...exactly what we don't need. I think I begged him to stop because it hurt (gee what a surprise, huh) and because I wanted to see if he would (to see if I still held the reins). I feel like he's not serious about this and wonder why we're trying anything at all.

Maybe tonite will be different? Pray for guidance for Kev and for me.

God Bless,

Miki

3 Comments:

  • At 12:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Miki~

    I almost feel as though I could have written "First Steps". I too am in a Christian marriage and discovered LDD recently and just cannot believe the difference it's made in our relationship. I'm really enjoying your blog, thank you for sharing your experiences with us!

     
  • At 6:15 PM, Blogger JohnnysDollface said…

    Hi Miki...I just read your posts for the first time today. I also am a Christian and we also are very new at this lifestyle. I have given my Johnny many articles from lovingdd and it has helped him tremendously. However, we have needed help getting me where I really need to go so I can sympathize with you. He is only home on a monthly basis due to work and 2 wks ago I had our most serious spanking but it failed to get me to a place of real repentance. It was first otk with his hand and then after corner time which made me more rebellious, I was otk again with the ping pong paddle for the first time. Oh and I promised him the moon when it started to hurt badly but the work had not been done inside.As the weekend progressed, this became very evident but my oldest was staying with us so there was no opportunity for further discipline. I have had to be painfully honest with him about this not happening and about the need for him to not listen to any of my promises or pleadings at the time of my discipline. I know I need a long and severe spanking with more than his hand. I am a very strong woman who has held the reins for far too long but I so desire to be submissive to him as the Lord directs. It is going to take him taking me way past my limits to a place where I lose control for him to have the control he should have. We have discussed this at length now and hopefully in two weeks when he comes home again we will get there. At the time, I will as any other woman will, say anything but in my heart of hearts, it's not really what I need or desire...Just be totally honest with him Miki, and not when you're over his knee...Let him know that he has to listen to you now, not then...My prayers are with you my sister as I hope I have yours also....

     
  • At 10:26 PM, Blogger Miki said…

    My prayers are indeed with you JDF...and any support or encouragement I can lend as well.

    Blessings to you my sister,

    Miki

     

Post a Comment

<< Home